Thirteen Reasons Why I Want To Kill You
by BlueNinjaa
Summary: In this story Edward tells Bella thirteen reasons why he wants to kill her. I explain a bit more inside but if you really love Bella then don't read this.


**I'm not sure how many of you have read Runaway xo's "Thirteen Reasons Why" but if you have you will notice that I took the last 3 lines of the first chapter and reworded them. If you haven't read Runaway xo's "Thirteen Reasons Why" then I suggest you do because it's a good story.**

**Just to let you know this was written by 2 of the most Bella-hating people in the world, me and one of my friends. I did write most of it but my friend wrote quite a bit aswell.**

"Yes I'm going to prove it too you, with thirteen reasons."

"Thirteen reasons why…"

"Thirteen reasons why I want to kill you of course."

"Okay…….."

"Alright the first reason is………you're a fat cow with no friends and I hope you get murdered before our wedding or I will be forced to commit suicide!"

"WHAT THE HELL YOU BASTARD!"

"Shh, I'm not finished yet. Second reason – you ate my bedtime cookie last night! DIE BELLA DIE!!"

"I never, that was Emmett!!"

"Vampires don't eat you stupid asshole!"

"Then why did you want it then?"

"So it can sing me to sleep of course!"

"You can't sleep!"

"Shut up!, right onto reason three, you're not a vampire and no matter how many times you wear vampire fangs when we are kissing doesn't mean you're a vampire it just proves my first reason even more! Oh, and you smell funny."

"Your face smells funny."

"I know you do Bella. Fourth reason – you stole my Scooby Doo toy. How could you be so heartless?"

"What would I want with your Scooby Doo toy?"

"You tell me. Anyway, I ate your mum."

"WHAT?!"

"It's only fair."

Bella starts crying

"OMG Bella you always overreact about everything! Remember when James almost killed you, you were like "Ahh Edward, stay with me!" "Never leave me Edward!" "Promise you will never leave me!" I wished that James had killed you because YOU ARE SOO CLINGY!"

"Are you saying that when you left me you were actually telling me the truth when you said you didn't love me?!"

"Yes and when you thought I went to Italy to kill myself I was actually there because I was hosting a party after leaving you!"

Bella starts crying even more

"Oh, shut up already!! Right back to my reasons, fifth reason- I was happily married to Tanya before you came along and then you went and killed her because you were so ugly. She took one look at you and then died because you were so fat and your face looked like a squashed tomato!"

"I HATE YOU; I WISH I NEVER MET YOU OVER THE INTERNET!"

"Don't we all Bella….."

"YOU LIED TO ME; YOU AREN'T REALLY A 16 YEAR OLD GIRL CALLED MARY!"

"Reason number six- you don't accept me for who I really am!"

"So are you saying you don't like me being a lesbian and making you dress in drag whenever we make out?!"

"Yes , that's exactly when I'm saying!"

Bella punches him in the face

"YOU BITCH!"

"AHH! I think you broke my hand!"

"Overreaction!"

"I'M NOT OVERREACTING!"

"Sure Bella, whatever you say………"

"I'M TELLING THE TRUTH!"

"Be quiet, sixth reason- have you seen your ass recently, it's the size of Emmett! I'm surprised that you can fit into that mini skirt. It makes you look like a prostitute or some hooker!"

"I am a hooker Edward. Remember I just got a job as one last week!"

"Oh yeh…..Now onto the 7th reason….

"Ahh! I'm getting fed up of you insulting me. If you don't stop then I'm seriously going to hurt you!!"

"What you gonna do?"

"This!"

Bella pulls a gun from behind her back and shoots Edward in the foot

"Ahh! he clutches his foot and hops around were did you get a gun that hurts vampires?!"

"Ebay"

"Who did you buy it from?"

"The username was –AroRules-, you know him?"

"Yeh, I bought this off him!"

Edward pulls out a concealed samurai sword

"Nice samurai sword!"

"Nice gun"

A big, cool fight scene takes place and in the end Edwards kills Bella

"Yay I killed her! Now what am I going to do with the body?"

Takes out phone and calls Alice

"Hey!!"

"Hey Alice, just wondering why you didn't see this coming?"

"See what?"

"This happening to Bella"

"What do you mean; Bella is standing right next to me?"

"Well then could you possibly call the mental asylum because I'm seeing things again"

"Well okay then. But again?!

"Yes Alice, also could you tell Bella to come over to my house because we need to talk….."

**I hope you liked it. If any of you people really love Bella and you still read it, don't kill me it was your fault for reading it in the first place.**


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